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Stop lying to yourself

Updated: Jul 8, 2019


You are a liar. Don’t agree with me? Well sorry, but you are. And you’re lying about that too.


Every single human on this planet is a master of deception. And more than that, a master of SELF deception. This magic ability begins when we are young. We want raw, unconditional love and acceptance, the two things children crave the most. But sadly, they can be hard to find. We learn that we are only truly accepted when we hide certain parts of ourselves, or change ourselves to match other people’s expectations of us. Slowly we become a different, distorted version of ourselves, and push down the other parts that we wish to conceal. We do this until we are truly lying to ourselves about who we really are.





Furthermore, things that happen to us as children, continue to shape how we see the world as an adult, and how we choose to respond to it. Whatever it is that touches us and haunts us the most, is the thing we go on to deceive ourselves about the most.



How do we lie?


We deny that there is a problem.

We invent excuses to rationalise bad behaviour rather than see when it is wrong.

We project our own feelings onto someone else and believe they are the bad guy, not us.

We act like children, stamping our feet and refusing to listen to reason.

We focus on something else instead of what the real problem is.


Why do we lie?


We lie because the truth is too difficult to face.

We lie because it makes things easier.

We lie because it's all we've ever known.


How can we stop?


Open your mind.


Don’t hold such judgement against yourself. Accept that you aren’t perfect, that nobody is perfect, and that we never will be. Be honest with yourself about those mean, nasty thoughts you've had, those strange reactions that came from nowhere, those inappropriate feelings you have for someone you shouldn't. It doesn't mean you are going to act on any of it, and no one ever needs to know if you don't want them to.


Look for the reasons why you have made the choices you have and understand that although these reasons have served a purpose up to now, it may be time to find new, healthier ways forward.


Challenge yourself. Don’t turn away when things start to feel uncomfortable because that means you are really close to something important, and your body is trying to tell you something.


You have been lying to protect yourself and it’s got you this far. However, is this enough for you? Or do you want to get further, be happier, be the person you always were from the very beginning?


What is the truth?


You do have time to go to the gym, you just don’t want to go.

Your friend is treating you badly, their behaviour isn’t excusable just because they are stressed.

You have been treating them badly too, and whatever trauma you have suffered isn’t an excuse either.

You do have a drinking problem, it’s not just a few drinks every night.

You hate the music your friends like, it's never going to grow on you.

You haven't got a new job because you are too scared of change.

You and only you are responsible for every action in your life; no one else is to blame.



Try and work out your own lies and discover the truth behind them.




Stop giving yourself excuses.

Stop twisting your thoughts to suit the situation.

Stop allowing things to happen that you don’t like or want.


Start accepting yourself, even if you don’t like everything you find.

Start changing unhelpful patterns of behaviour.

Start finding the person you were before self-deception became your lifeline.

Get in touch with your emotions and learn to listen to your body. Your feelings will show you your true reaction, even if your mind is holding onto the lie.


It doesn’t matter what you’ve done or the mistakes you’ve made. You can make the choice TODAY to change and create a better life for yourself and those around you.


Just don’t lie to yourself and say you will, when you know deep down you aren’t quite ready. One day you will be.



Lauren x


© 2020 Lauren Calladine